Right this very second I am sitting in an
empty stairwell at university. Alone. Typing this.
I find solitude in quiet places, I love
quiet places. I like to come here, away from people, away from too much noise
and just take time to think.
Sure this is a good thing I hear you say...
Ahh and yes, which it would be... if I also didn’t come here to "hide".
And by hide I don’t mean trying to stay away from a person I don’t want to see,
I mean hide away from the world.
This is how I ended up here (a
chronological recall of events this morning that lead me to a quiet stairwell,
NOT a metaphorical journey of sorrow that leads to me being a wimp and sitting
on my own.)
I got to uni, got off the bus with a plan
to go see my supervisor, simple. She wasn’t there, I start to have a mini flap
because I feel I know look like I’m just wandering about the psychology block
aimlessly with no friends. So I decided to head to Starbucks and get a coffee,
which I did, however it was so hot in there I had to get out, I hate feeling
too hot. Really hate it. The next plan was to go and sit in the seating area
near where y next lecture is but there were some people, and I didn’t want to
sit there, and I felt myself say "Where can I go hide for a while before
class?" so I came here, to a very quiet stairwell that no one uses, I’m
pretty sure it’s only here as a fire safety requirement, in the time it’s taken
me to write all this, admittedly not that long, not one person has opened a
single door to any of the flights of stairs.
What bothered me the most was not that I
wanted to be away from the world to have peace and quiet to sit alone in my
thoughts, I wanted to hide, and I called it hiding. I must admit this worries
me a little. I know why I do it, I just feel so awkward and out of place in a
conversation, if I talk I get told I talk too much, and if I don’t talk
everyone asks me what is wrong, so I just feel it’s easier to come sit alone
and write something, a song, a little letter to no one, a poem or now, a blog
entry. It is so quiet I love this feeling, only hearing the builders on the
other side of campus, and my keyboard keys clicking away.
I have to kick this habit of hiding and
running away to a safe stairwell, but not today....
Take care
Claire xx
You are not hiding. You are gathering your thoughts, engaging in reflection, and meditative analysis. This is how you grow. Also being empathic requires times of solitude to recharge yourself before you can help others. You are quiet at times because you are learning and processing the opinions of others while feeling their energy. You speak a lot when you have something to teach and the information flows freely and openly without hindrance. You will notice that some of the ideas that you "put out there" will seem quite extraordinary to you upon reflection as if you were plugged into a higher frequency. So, little Lightworker, enjoy the journey; listen closely to the intuitions and hunches, and know that you are loved.
ReplyDeleteThrow some love into the wind.
Bing
Hello Bing,
DeleteThank you so much for that beautiful and insightful comment. It's so wonderful to feel understood by someone and not to be told off for my need to be alone sometimes. I hope you enjoy reading my blog :)
Take care
Claire x